CARAWHY

As of today, January 28th, 2010 I do not really believe that I have a life philosophy, or at least one that is worth talking about. To be honest, I have just given up on trying to live by a certain standard and follow guide lines. I have found that trying to do the right thing, is not always the easiest and when things are not easy, life gets tiring. I have become too tired to maintain relationships, run errands, or even be invested in my art. I am at the point where I do not want to dress myself in the morning, or even get out of bed. I used to be able to get out of bed when my alarm went off. Now I have to set two alarms to make sure I get out of bed and sometimes, I do not even get up after the second alarm. I have become so lazy I have also stopped doing my hair every morning, I just wake up and go. Doing simple tasks like getting up to get a drink of water have become taxing tasks for me.

I wish I knew why everything just seems so tiring to me now. I wish I knew how to get out of the rut that I am stuck inside. It is not just that everything is considerably more complicated, everything seems like a waste of time to me, which makes me not want to do anything that I should. I feel as though I am just running around doing this and that for nothing. Everything I do feels like it will amount to nothing and when I get something accomplished, I have a new battle to fight. To be quite honest, I am tired of fighting, I am tired of trying and I feel as though everything is an uphill battle.

Maybe my frame of mind at this point in time is not exactly the best for writing this paper. However, I have already written a paper similar to the one assigned. So, because I am not Tom and can go on about cheese for ten pages, I am going to base my paper off of my previous assignment. If I could just end my paper here I would be happy with what I wrote, but since I would like to get a decent grade on this I will continue.

Determining reality is not an area I believe can be explained by one blanket idea or theory. What a person believes to be real is determined by the person themselves and no one else. Although apparent reality says that the sky is blue, if the person believes it is green, then it is. Although this may seem insane to everyone else, if enough people thought the sky was green, then it would be green.

By focusing on what you want in life, opposed to what you do not want will create a healthy and enjoyable reality for yourself and those around you. I believe that self determination of reality is very important and is something everyone should practice no matter which philosophy they choose to live their life. Everyone deserves to be happy, and another person should not have to tell another person how to live. Determining what you want for yourself is the ultimate way to ensure the happiness of yourself.

What is classified as real or existing, is anything you can hold in your hands, or feel with your heart. Seeing is believing is not necessarily always true because you may see something happen, and misinterpret the situation. For all things that are not physical, like feelings of love, hate or sorrow as long as you can feel them, they are real. If someone is trying to portray sorrow and the feelings are insincere, and they do not strike a cord or provoke an emotion with you, then so called emotions are fake.

The reality that we select to live coincides with what we define as truth. Staying true and embracing your reality, for lack of a better word, keeps your honest. Although you may not agree with the reality that is currently being lived, accepting it for what it is, you can live an honest life. Absolute Truth is not something I believe to be existent. There is nothing that every single person agrees on, especially in a world where everyone is so diverse it is hard to believe we are all members of the same species.

In my opinion, what has value and worth to most people is absolutely worthless to me. Society as a whole holds material things and money in high regard, when really it should not be looked at like a reward for a successful life. A successful life should be determined by the people you help, the lives you’ve touched and how strong your passion is. Worth being measured in cars and boats is completely insane. Overlooking the personality of a person and judging their worth by the type of car they drive is a waste of time and energy. Taking the time to get to know someone is time better spent then assuming they are worthless because there is a huge dent in their car.

Ethics and morals are harder and harder to come by in America in the present. We live in an anything goes society, where people will do what ever it takes to be on the top. The morals of our elders are falling through the cracks and the kindness of our previous generations is being forgotten. In a general sense, doing the right thing is moral which is common sense to most people. However, it can be tiring doing the right thing, and not always rewarding in the sense it is expected to be. Small things like letting a person turn in front of you at a stop light, or yielding to a pedestrian in a cross walk instead of almost killing them, are being pushed aside and forgotten.

As a future artist, aesthetics is something that is very close to me. A friend was speaking to me about how he wished he understood how to make art, and that he was good at it. This made me realize that not all beauty is understood by others. What makes something beautiful is not the colors or the technique used, it is the amount of work put into something. I remember an installation my art teacher described to me at a museum she visited once. It consisted of assorted jars with small objects in them. When you looked inside the jars you realized that the jars held nail clippings, hairs, old tissues, and other odd objects. To my art teacher, myself and most other people, this was just disgusting and not art at all. However, the person put time and effort into that installation. Imagine the amount of time it took to collect a jar full of nail clippings? Or how many times the person had to brush their hair to fill the jar? Although we do not understand why someone would put something as disgusting as nail clippings in a art installation, the person invested many hours their time and effort into creating this visual display to provoke our thoughts.

Along with creating your own reality I believe that it is important to allow things to come to you. If you get caught up in trying to live life to the fullest, you miss the small things in life which are sometimes the best things. Sitting back and relaxing not only makes for a healthier mind but it also allows us to appreciate everything that happens around us. If we arenʼt so focused on looking for things to happen, they will happen faster and with more ease.

Although we have to sit back and take everything in we have to marry it with the go getting attitude that society has today. If we just sit back all of our lives we will miss opportunities that other “go getters” will take advantage of. However, being aggressive about opportunities will only draw people away from you. What has to be done is to find the harmony between going out and getting what you want and letting things come to you.

It is the human condition to search for some where to fit in. We are designed to try to find our place in society. Humans strive for the feeling we get when we have a place to go when arriving at a party or social event. The one thing humans constantly search for is acceptance, whether it is from strangers, our peers or our families. Teenagers are constantly trying to make their parents proud or prove to someone they can do something. They should want to do better for themselves, not for someone else or to impress someone else. If the idea of being accepted was completely eliminated from society, not just teens, but everyone else would strive to do better because they would not have to worry about being made fun of or criticized.

However, at the end of the day all that matters is that you feel content with yourself. If you go to sleep at night recalling the days events and they do not sit well with you then you should try to correct your decisions. Although you should live life without regrets, living like this is impossible if you make bad decisions. Although the decision you make may not be the best for the ones around you all that really matters is that you are comfortable with your decision. We need to be at peace with ourselves so we can be at peace with others.

A large part of me wishes that I still believed everything I wrote in this paper. I also wished that I was able to live my life like this again. So much of my energy is focused on impressing you, my parents, college and my peers I have no energy to take care of myself mentally. The only thing that keeps me going every day is the thought of getting out of Brick Town then going to art school where I will buy a pet hedge hog. Which sounds so silly, but right now nothing seems better.

yes everyone jd salinger died. i wish everyone would stop quoting catcher in the rye, or that he wrote another book of comparable literary merit so the quotes wouldn’t get old. However now i’m walking around my house singing “If a body catch a body coming through the rye”

The subtle hum of the filter vibrates in the background as bubbles float to the surface and pop when reaching the surface. The plants sway with the movement of the water as the tiny fish swim around. The five fish frolic in the water and hide in the plants for all of their days, but one fish always wonders what is happening on the outside. Jocasta always wondered what existed past the octagonal walls of the tank she lived in. The four other’s laughed at her, and often made jokes about the outside world. While the other fish spent their time chatting and playing games in the tank, Jocasta spent her time staring through the glass walls dreaming of a different life.

When Jocasta looked through the walls of the tank and saw an array of colors and shapes that she could not explain. She wished her so-called-friends could see the beauty and wonder she saw in the outside world, but no one wold listen to her. Day after day she dreamed about being able to visit the outside world, and understand what happened in it.

When Jocasta gazed through the glass she often saw a fuzzy animal that had no fins, and another animal that was not fuzzy and lacked fins. The two animals she saw often transported themselves differently then she and the other fish. She wondered how they could breathe, because they had no visible gills. There were so many questions that Jocasta wanted to know the answers to and she wished there was a way to find them. She spent hours every day trying to think of a way to get some answers to her questions, when finally one day it came to her. Jocasta had to go see the oldest creature in the tank, Copernicus.

Copernicus was a feeble crab that the other fish did not really pay any mind to. In fact, most of the fish forgot he even lived in the tank. Copernicus was very old, so he could not play games with the fish, and they did not hold any common interests. Although most of the fish found Copernicus boring and dull Jocasta thought he was interesting and full of wisdom. She sometimes tried to talk to Copernicus, but he never really had much to say, but she figured she would try to talk to him tomorrow.

That night Jocasta was looking through the glass and saw that the animal that was not covered in fuzz was shaking, and the body was rising and falling violently. The muffled sounds Jocasta could hear high pitched noises and it sounded like the animal was coughing. When the animal turned over, the expression on it’s face seemed melancholy, there was also something dripping from it’s eyes. Jocasta was confused by this because she had never seen the fish she lived with do such a thing, or make noises of that kind. This odd event made Jocasta even more anxious to go see Copernicus and she rushed to sleep hoping it would make the time pass faster.

The next morning when Jocasta awoke to the turning on of the sun and eagerly prepared herself to visit Copernicus. She thought about the questions she would ask him, and she speculated the answers he would provide her with. When Jocasta went to find Copernicus, she had to search through the dense plants and looking under rocks. She finally found him hiding near the back of the tank where the bubbles flew to the surface. She politely hit her fins against the side of the tank to warn Copernicus of her arrival and she cleared her throat. Copernicus looked up at her and Jocasta began to speak, “Excuse me sir, I had a few questions I was hoping you could answer some questions for me.” Copernicus continued to gaze at Jocasta so she continued to talk. “I had some questions about what things are like on the other side of the tank, and I thought that since you are the oldest and wisest in the tank you could help.”

Copernicus’ facial expression changed when Jocasta mentioned life beyond the tank. He was impressed by how thoughtful she was, and how well she used her brain. She was unlike all the other fish he had own that lived in the tank. He was so impressed by her insight, he decided to mentor her. When he mentioned this to Jocasta she was ecstatic. She was so eager to learn she could not wait to begin, but Copernicus urged her to wait until morning.

Jocasta decided the first thing she would tell Copernicus about was the scene of the animal without fur shaking and making odd sounds. She described the scene exactly as she recalled it and when she had finished Copernicus looked at Jocasta and said, “Do you remember how you feel when the other fish make fun of you for being concerned about what is on the outside?” Jocasta nodded while staring intently at Copernicus, being careful not to miss a word he said. “That is the feeling the animal is experiencing when it shakes and makes those noises. The animal feels pain and sorrow just like you do, only they express it differently. The things running from their eyes are called tears.”

“What are tears?” Jocasta asked.

“Tears are water that fall from the corners of the animal’s eye. It is a physical sign of the animal’s sadness.”

After their discussion about sadness Jocasta when to peer through the glass before she went to sleep. While she was surveying the outside world looking for new questions to ask Copernicus, she saw the animal again. The animal was shaking and making odd noises again and Jocasta could not help but want to reach out to the animal and comfort it. Now Jocasta understood what the other animal was going through. stopped by the glass, there was nothing Jocasta could do, so she went to sleep.

The next morning she went to see Copernicus, but he had left a note saying he had some things to take care of today and they would resume their sessions tomorrow. Jocasta was very upset about not having class that day and was moping around the tank the rest of the day. One of the other fish asked her why she looked so upset and Jocasta explained to the fish about the talk she had with Copernicus yesterday and how she was concerned for the animal on the outside. The other fish laughed at Jocasta and made fun of her for caring about something so silly and swam away.

Jocasta then felt just as the animal did the night before. When she went to peer out the window, she saw the animal again, shaking and her eyes were shedding tears again. Jocasta banged her body up against the glass hoping to get the other animal’s attention. Trying to cry out for help Jocasta threw herself into the glass harder and harder each time. When Jocasta finally stopped to look at the animal she could see it was looking at her and was much closer then before. They gazed at each other for what seemed like quite some time. As the other animal looked in at the sad tiny fish, she drew the tears away from her eyes and smiled. Jocasta smiled back, realizing no matter how this animal took in their breaths, moved themselves around, or spent their time, they were equals. After sitting at the edge of the glass for a few minutes, she swam away to see if she could find Copernicus so she could tell him about her experience.